Balthazar, Pepper and Lucky - It is just terrible

Posted by Sunlight Sunshine on Tuesday, February 22, 2011 Under: Balthazar, Pepper and Lucky
 We found Pepper. I hoped he was alive, but deep inside my heart I knew he did not leave me. We found him not far from their plate and box, hidden and covered with grass. I do not know what happened. Maybe dogs killed him - we saw two, strange big dog on Sunday, or maybe he went to the road and car hit him? Or snake bit him? We saw just very little blood in his mouth and his nose. So I have no idea what happened. I know just one thing. Again I cry. I cry because I could not save him, I could not collect money for the doctor, I had to put him out. I cry because I am very afraid for the other two, Pepper was the biggest and strongest. If he could not survive, how Balthazar or Lucky could?
 Sometimes I think I give up. I have to give up. I can not do this anymore. I have no so much money to spend on cats what I want to, I have no so big room for them, what I want to, and end of the day I just cry. The last more then 5 years I cried for the cats more than in all my life. So? Why I continue? Who wants to cry so much? Who want to fill so much pain? But I know I can not give up. Tomorrow, when I go to work, and my feral cats come for the breakfast, and after that to pet them, I will not turn my head. I know, how I arrive I will count them from the car, and I will be happy if everybody is there, and I will be sad, if somebody is missing. I know I will feel pain, if on the street I see cat, who was killed in accident, I just can not turn away my head. I just can not "do not feel" I am just not a machine. And our feelings make us human.

In : Balthazar, Pepper and Lucky 

About Me

Sunlight Sunshine I am Gabriella Bus, a Hungarian woman, who lives in Cyprus from June of 2005. I rescue cats. This is my and my cats story.